Ache

The truest form of love yields its own glory, passionate in pursuit of life for others. Passion stirred is nothing less than a deep ache for that which it seeks. Misguided passion will most certainly fuel anger or lust, but passion for life compels a willingness to yield so that its precious, abundant, quenching stores might pour out and fill thirsty hearts.

For many of us, our greatest suffering comes from this act of glory surrendered, a laying down of right and preference and misguided justice for gracious love. It is far easier to ache for our own glory but, once we savor the freedom of truest love, we long passionately for it. As we long more deeply for life, our ache evolves from burden to gift. Our ache becomes passion for its Author’s glory manifested as life in those we love.

Christ ached for his Father and so passionately bore our sin, unleashing the floodgates of life to our parched hearts. The grave’s banks have been overwhelmed. We are no longer required to suffer separation from life, as sin is most fundamentally defined, but rather drink it in. We are invited to yield ourselves to it.

I wrote the following for my children, born and unborn, hoping to put a very small finger on this deep and peculiar ache, a longing for life I often can’t explain. Perhaps you have felt something similar:

The Ache [A Mama’s Passion]

There is an ache in my heart.

It settled there before you came, as you wrestled deep within me;

it grew as I marveled at the grit with which you took form and in which we labored together toward life;

it crushed me as I lost you.

It overwhelms me as I breathlessly watch you sleep;

it wrenches me as I long to be near while you are far;

it humbles me as I watch you delight in each new discovery, senses deepened with treasures of love and popsicles to savor.

There is an ache in my heart.

Overwhelmed by love deep in purpose, startling breadth;

Whispers and shouts, fits and starts, together imperfect and infinite.

Not without pain but with deep grace;

not without suffering but fierce tenderness;

not without flaw but great passion.

There is an ache in my heart.

I will cherish it;

I will bear it with joy;

I will love you with abandon.

2 Comments

  1. Ann Ekbom

    Beautiful Anya……brought tears to my eyes especially The Ache (A Mama’s Passion). The same passionate love I have for you, I now have for your children both born and unborn. Our “heavenly babies” await our renunion in heaven where we will love them perfectly!! Until then, I deeply love my earthly children imperfectly, not without pain but with joy. XOXOOX Mom

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